Midnight Rants!

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     Some nights are harder to sleep than others. I don't even know why I am worrying over something so insignificant. These unwanted thoughts plunge into my brain and make me feel sorry about myself and there is no need for that. I am starting to hate quite places. Because calmer the place is, harsher my thoughts will be.

    Do I want to victimise myself? No

    Do I want or crave to feel something? Yes    

    But then again, most of the nights end up in a good note where I get to escape from reality and see my favourite characters getting a happy ending. Of course, only if the author feels like it.

I would really like to know, why nothing ever seems to please me. The way I treat myself is neutral. Sometimes I feel over the moon, compliment myself and my self love would be on the peak. Then, at times I inflict so much pain to myself than anybody ever could.

    I feel like that I delude myself to believe that I am okay, when in fact I am not okay. I could never bring myself to ask for anyone to listen. Because my concerns have been dismissed enough for me to know how much it hurts to not have a single listening ear around you.

    I have grown up and I also surround myself with people who are supportive of me. Yet thinking about opening up about the deep concerns of my body and mental health, makes me dizzy. I have this comfort zone around me which is like a warm cozy blanket on a winter morning. I am safe here. The amount of interaction I have with other people is like staying in the blanket.

    But if I have to open up, then that might mean leaving the safe heaven that I built for myself. And I am pretty sure I won't like it at all.



SELF HATE WON'T DO YOU ANY GOOD!

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